I disliked swimming at school, and was always dubious about the teaching methods of the clincically obese woman who barked instructions at us from the side of the pool. But now I love it as a relaxing exercise.

An evenings swimming would not be complete without a nice hot sauna.

I used to swim/sauna at the Crowne Plaza Midland Hotel. I won someone’s remaining gym membership on eBay cheap. I later renewed - it is nice, often quiet, open late, easy to get to and supplies towels. But no Yoga for Kath, so after 2 years I quit.
And so began the quest to find the perfect gym, meeting my swim/sauna requirements, and doing decent Yoga classes at suitable times for Kath.

The Midland has a smallish pool, a nice jacuzzi, gender-split saunas but no steam room. And no Yoga. Plus after a few years boredom sets in, which if I didn’t consistently miss the likes of Justin Timberlake and Jennifer Lopez hitting the diary columns for using the gym there might possibly have been alleviated.

Previously I had gone to the Manchester Aquatics Centre, which has a bloody great big pool, a cold jacuzzi and mixed saunas and steam room. Plus it stays open late. But it’s a public pool, and having recently visited it and seen signs basically saying “please be nice to other guests - don’t swear or leave the place a mess” it seems to be going downhill fast. Although the jacuzzi is warm now, there’s still a shortage of showers in the ‘Health Suite’, with dozens doing both their full pre-and-post wash and their quick between-saunas refresher shower in three cubicles. But apart from anything, by the time I’d walked that far down Oxford Street Road I was knackered anyway.

Enter Catherine, a friend of Katherine’s, with a guest week at LivingWell.
Wow. Nice pool, good mix of Yoga classes by all accounts, mixed steam room, 2 mixed saunas, 1 male sauna, 1 female sauna, 1 female steam room and 2 spa pools. Plus an ironing board and a cossie-dryer. And there’s a big gym, obviously. Definitely a benchmark.

But most of LivingWell’s plus points really became apparent when we tried Total Fitness in Walkden and discovered how bad gyms can be. Big wall with class times that are completely inaccurate. Knackered cossie-dryers. Compulsory daft-hat wearing in the main pool. Rock FM played at top volume in the main area and piped in everywhere else. Including the sauna. It mightn’t be that bad if Rock FM played some rock once in a while.
To be fair, the poolside facilities are very good, even having a plunge pool, but the hydrotherapy bit is a novelty at best and no substitute for a simple round spa pool. But apparently the Yoga was vaguely dangerous, and having clocked up a few petty extra charges for hats and towel hire we were definitely giving the place the thumbs down.

Back-tracking again, I once turned up to the Midland to find that the spa pool was out of action, and there was a ton of people in the pool. So I turned on my heels and guest-passed into the Fitness First across the road, having half-remembered getting some flyer at work for them. But alas! Not all Fitness Firsts are created equal. The one in town doesn’t have a pool. Or a spa pool. But it does have a very good steam room / sauna / shower / bucket of ice area, so all was not lost.

At one point I had a free day trial at LA Fitness, which is in the basement of the building where I got my first NatWest pig. Piggie-rah! Nice long pool, and a nice selection of aquaerobic floats. Such things are also freely available at LivingWell. Total Fitness will only sell them to you citing some health reason. Quite how disgustingly unhygenic they think their clientele are I have no idea. But back to LA Fitness, and yes.. there’s a steam room and a sauna (which stopped working while I was there) but the biggest downer is the ’spa pool’ which is in fact a few waterjet seats in the corner of the main pool, where if you’re not careful, you’ll be bubbled out into the middle of the pool. So that’s a ‘no’ then.

Easily the nicest, plushest one gym in town is the Holmes’ Place one, in the Printworks. Up the lift and into a large luxurious modern gym. And there’s a nice big pool and a good spa pool. Curiously there is a mixed sauna but a steam room in each gender’s changing room. One day I will explain why this mak’a no sens’a, but not now.

So LivingWell won, and for about 7 months I was a member there. I was generally happy with the place, but had tried the new Le Meridien place and found that to be a lot nicer. Coupled with the fact that I didn’t have enough “me” time to get to LivingWell often enough to make the membership worthwhile, I packed it in. During the final days, they for some reason decided to state that swimwear must be worn in the men’s sauna, rather than just insist on the use of towels. That would have had me resigning anyway quite frankly. But my breakup with Kath meant I suddenly got lots of “me” time at the exact weekend that the membership expired, so the quest re-opened.

I tried GL-14, which is rather compact but plush. Pool and spa-pool; but changing-room-based saunas. No steam. Same spec as the Midland, then, but everything is more squashed (apart from the changing rooms).

I liked Bannatyne’s a lot. Generously sized sauna & steam rooms (automatic, mixed, swimwear compulsory), and a decent spa pool plus a nicely divided pool.

I did try Sacha’s, which has a really good shower and a proper sauna but other than that isn’t particularly welcoming.

Then came plush Radisson-based place Sienna. A lovely lovely place, with frequent periods in which no-one else is there. A “30-days for £30″ offer at was very much welcomed. I dayrated in occasionally for about a year before finally deciding to join up. It’s very near perfect.